An Odd Man’s Notebook on Life

By Tom Demerly.

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Random Notes and Key Things I’ve learned so Far:

1. Life:

  • Friends and community are more important than we realize. Much more.
  • My Mom was right; travel really is the most opulent luxury.
  • I am not like other people. When I try to be, I am sad and look foolish.
  • Be gentle with people- both people who are kind and people who are mean to you.
  • You will have enemies. Don’t let it bother you. If you weren’t trying, you wouldn’t be making some people mad.
  • Most people who don’t like you envy your courage and are afraid themselves.
  • Be understanding of those people, their fears are real to them.
  • Difficulty can make you a better person if you decide to let it.
  • One of the smartest people I ever met, my friend Kim, told me “successful people are usually just the last to give up.” She is right.
  • It’s true. You will fail.
  • Failure sucks.
  • Not trying is worse than failure.
  • Try again.
  • Never stop learning, never lose the “beginner’s mind”.
  • If you know you are right about something and try to convince someone, but their own beliefs prevent them from listening, don’t force it. Let them be.
  • Make good choices but do make choices. Don’t be paralyzed by indecision.
  • You think you are the only person suffering when you suffer. You aren’t.
  • You can learn a lot about a person by how they treat animals and children.
  • Two key quotes:
    • “We each create our own reality” Arthur C. Clarke.
    • “Between stimulus and response is our greatest freedom; choice.” Steven Covey.

2. Love:

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  • You are lucky if you have one true love, you will also likely lose them, but you are always better for having had them.
  • Always treasure the people who have brought true love and beauty into your life. Be a respectful friend to them forever. Revel in their new relationships and happiness. Stay friends with them unless they are cruel to you, in which case, just let them be.
  • When you truly love someone the thing you want most is for her to be happy and safe. You want that more than your selfish desire for them.
  • Have the courage to walk away from a relationship that is bad and never look back. Never be afraid to be alone.
  • It is better to be in a good relationship with yourself than a rotten one with some one else.
  • Great sex is about way more than the physical act.
  • Take a good, close look at her; she is more beautiful than you (and she) realize.
  • Beauty has almost nothing to do with looks.
  • The greatest luxury in a relationship is staying in it simply because you want to be there, no other reason.

3. The Military and Conflict:

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  • Never underestimate the human capacity for cruelty. People are the most dangerous animals.
  • There are three important truisms in the military; 1. Your training will keep you alive. 2. In the military world, your comrades are your first priority. 3. When your enemy is subdued, treat them with dignity and humanity.
  • Train relentlessly and realistically. Your training will save your life and insure the success of your mission.
  • Do not dwell on the awful things you’ve been through. Hold them at arms’ length, let them go, forgive them and yourself.
  • If you live in a safe place, protect that. It is rare on this earth.
  • Learn the skills of war, hold them as precious, but do not flaunt them or revel in them. They are an ugly but necessary set of tools.
  • When an enemy dies, do not celebrate. Instead, pray for them and ask forgiveness.
  • The least painful way to learn is from history. History is a free lesson, a way to learn from the suffering and loss of previous men. Never stop learning, studying and analyzing history; its cost was high but it is free to keep.
  • Be kind and respectful of people who have a disdain for the military.
  • Being a soldier, a guardian of peace, is one of life’s highest honors.
  • Wars fought over money, resources, politics and territory can be resolved. Wars over religion never end until one side is completely annihilated and their history erased.

4. Business and Money:

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  • See: “War and Conflict” above.
  • The Arabic proverb, “Do business as strangers, socialize as brothers” is good.
  • Pride has no place in business.
  • Trust that if you do a good job and devote yourself, you will be successful.
  • Even when (not if) you fail, if you have done the above, you have a basis for a new beginning.
  • Don’t try to bend the rules; it will bite you in the ass.
  • Your ass is going to have some tooth marks.
  • Pay yourself last.
  • Treat your employees well. Pay them first. Protect and honor them.
  • Respecting your employees as important human beings is as important as paying them, sometimes more so.
  • A harsh reality is that money does buy happiness. You can use it to help other people, keep yourself safe and healthy, travel and help animals. In the human world money is security.
  • Don’t trust banks. They are a business, a necessary tool.
  • Don’t be mean to or distrust the government or the IRS. They are people trying to do a difficult and unpopular job with few resources and huge bureaucracy. Be empathetic toward them.
  • The smarter you are the more successful you will be.
  • Learn from your mistakes. You’ll pay for them, you may as well use them.
  • Every dollar has 100 cents in it.
  • Every business is a nickel and dime business. There are no “small” losses.
  • Treat every day as your first day in business, and remember it could also be your last.
  • Failure always arrives before you think it will and is always a surprise.
  • In retrospect, failure and success both seem obvious.
  • Always call your customers “Sir” and “Ma’am”. It sets and maintains the tone of the customer/business relationship. It says you are doing business.
  • Save more money than you think you will ever need. Money is a tool.
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